How to have your photo taken, even if you really hate it

Hate having your picture taken?

I feel you.

I’ve been a photographer for ten years, shooting mainly weddings and portraits. My passion is photography, my career is built on the value of pictures… but the idea of stepping in front of a camera can fill me with dread. Over the years I can’t count the number of events where I’ve hidden from being in photos - I’ve kept a vice-like grip on my camera when people have said “let’s get a shot of you!” I said I wanted to be the one to document things and as I tried to convince people around me that I was happy with that, I knew that I was really trying to convince myself. The sad fact is that when I look back over pictures from the happiest of times: christmases, birthdays, trips to the beach… you’d never have known I was there. No matter how much I had that feeling of dread, no matter how much I felt self-conscious or hated the result I realised that I had to overcome it in order to avoid being the invisible woman. I can’t promise that I will take away all of your fears about being photographed in one blog post… but I’d like to share some tips that might help to build your confidence with time.

how do you feel about having your photo taken?

If you don’t like it - I can tell you that you are not alone. It’s something I often hear from my clients. As I prepared to write this post I polled my instagram followers. I asked “Do you like having your photo taken?”at the time of writing a resounding 80% of people said no. Next, I asked “Do you feel like you are in enough photographs?” and again, the majority said no - 86%. It was a relief to see that so many felt the same as me - even though we feel negatively about being photographed… we feel like we should do it more. So what holds us back? I asked my followers to describe their feelings when someone takes their picture and the same words came up again and again:

• Awkward

• Self conscious

• Out of control

• Ashamed

Before I talk about overcoming these feelings it’s good to sit with each one for a minute and think why you might feel like this. I’m not here to brush these feelings away.

AWKWARD

Oh boy, the number of photos I’ve deliberately ruined because I feel awkward. It’s like a panicked response - someone points a camera and suddenly I’ve forgotten what humans do with their arms and legs. What even is a face? I become stiff, robotic, I become overwhelmed by an irresistible compulsion to hide or overcompensate and lunge. LUNGE. I’ve never lunged before, why am I suddenly lunging?

SELF CONSCIOUS

This is a major one for so many people. I love my cameras, they are the tools of my trade but if I’m not careful they are gosh darn traitors. I’m sure you’ve experienced that awful crushing feeling when you see a photo of yourself that you hate… maybe it’s a particular moment or an angle you aren’t used to seeing yourself from and you think “is that really what I look like?” A lot of the time I think I’ve avoided being photographed for fear of those photos that can have the power to steal the shine from a wonderful day if they blindside you.

OUT OF CONTROL

It’s a very vulnerable act, having your photo taken. At least with a selfie, you’re able to see the result before it happen - it’s difficult to trust the person taking the photo, you feel exposed. Maybe someone’s sprung it on you unexpectedly… perhaps you’re with a group of friends and they want a group photo - everyone else seems so relaxed but you wish you could disappear.

ASHAMED

That last one resonated with me. I’d never quite pinpointed it before but that was the word. I thought back to a family day out, I wanted to ask if someone would take a photo of me with the kids… but I didn’t. I felt like I would be ashamed to ask. I thought maybe people would wrongly think that I was being a “poser”, that I was being conceited for wanting to be photographed. I’ve never thought that of anyone I’ve photographed, when someone stops me on holiday to ask if I’ll take a picture for them on their camera I don’t think “wow, you’re pretty full of yourself!” I think “Hey, this person trusts me to capture this for them. I hope I do their memory justice”. As with so many things we speak to ourselves in a way we’d never dream of speaking to others. The nastiest playground bully has absolutely nothing on my anxious brain.

If being photographed can bring up these uncomfortable feelings, but we know we should be in more pictures… how do we make it a better experience?

overcoming your worries

This list is by no means exhaustive but over the years of photographing people, and trying to make myself more comfortable with having my picture taken I’ve learned a thing or two about making the process easier. If an awkward sausage like me can get confident on camera: so can you.

DON’T WAIT FOR THE PERFECT TIME

It’s easy to put off being photographed for another time. Let’s call it pho-crastination. Don’t wait til you’re hair/face/body/clothes/whatever is exactly how you want it to be. Think of all the memories and moments you might miss while you wait for things to be just right.

TALK ABOUT IT

If you’d like to be in more photos but you find it difficult to ask each time you could speak with someone you trust like a friend, partner or family member. Tell them what’s on your mind - I remember there came a point after I’d looked through my family photos and realised that I was barely in them that I decided to speak to my partner about it. I told him I found it difficult to ask to be in pictures - as the photographer of our little gang I’m usually the person reaching for the camera. I spoke about my fears and worries and now he’s much more likely to offer to take a photo or (even better) take sneaky ones when I’m not looking.

DIG OUT YOUR OLD “WORST” PHOTOS

When I was a teenager I thought I was an absolute troll. I couldn’t bear photos of myself… but when I look back I don’t see the same flaws in myself now. I look back and marvel at my younger self - that picture I thought was all flared nostrils, teeth and chins is a memory of laughing hard with my pals. I treasure it now. My point is, your worst photo now might be something that makes older you look back and smile. We can’t possibly love every picture of ourselves right now, so don’t put the expectation on yourself that you should but keep them as a treat for your future self.

FILL YOUR FEEDS WITH BODY POSITIVE INSPIRATION

For all the flaws of social media, there sure is a heck of a lot of beautiful, confidence-building content out there. You can learn a lot about how to love yourself from people who’ve made it their mission to fight beauty standards. My personal favourite is Megan Jayne Crabbe (@bodyposipanda) and I’m always keen to add more goodness to my feed so feel free to hit me up with suggestions!

BREATHE

You don’t need me to tell you the importance of breathing but we so easily forget in our most nervous moments. Often when I am at the start of a photo session I notice that the person in front of the camera is holding their breath and they don’t even know it. A deep breath makes such a huge difference to how you feel.

GET THE AWKWARDNESS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM

It’s ok to feel awkward. Most of us aren’t in front of a camera constantly - it’s not second nature and it can feel awkward. The best way to banish that awkward is to acknowledge it’s there and sit with it for a moment. Give yourself some time to adjust to the fact that you’re doing an activity that’s uncomfortable and unnatural for you. With time, you’ll find the awkwardness takes less and less time to pass.

DON’T SABOTAGE YOURSELF

One of my go-to moves for years has been it-can’t-be-a-bad-photo-if-I-make-it-bad-on-purpose. Maybe you know this move yourself… You’d actually like a nice photo of yourself but you’re worried you’ll try and it’ll turn out bad. So you pull a ridiculous face, and ruin it on purpose. It makes you feel like you have some control over the outcome - You don’t have to be vulnerable. There’s nothing wrong with doing silly photos but try and fight the urge sometimes, even if it feels scary.

REMEMBER THE CAMERA LIES

There’s a multitude of reasons that are not your fault that can lead to a photo that you don’t love. Perspective, angle and lighting can change how a photo looks. A photo is a frozen moment and (I cannot emphasise this enough) doesn’t mean that’s what you look like. Photos, mirrors, other people’s eyes are all different ways of being seen and none of them are objective or definitive. Don’t let a “bad photo” knock your confidence. You’re still you.

HIRE A PROFESSIONAL

This blog post isn’t a sales pitch, so I won’t spend much time talking about this option. Obviously, I’ve a vested interest! Sufficed to say that working with someone who knows how to compose a lovely photo, who can guide you through the experience can build your confidence and teach you how to enjoy the experience more.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

How many times have you seen a photo of a friend that you thought was absolutely wonderful, only to hear them pick it to pieces? We are all our harshest critics and instantly see things that no one else would ever notice when we look at pictures of ourselves. Me? I have crooked, yellow teeth. I’ve generally hidden them in photos for years until a couple of months ago I realised the sad fact that my kids wouldn’t have any photos of me really, properly showing how happy I am. They don’t see my teeth: they see my smile. I can’t talk you out of seeing those things you might focus on, but what I will say is try to be a friend to yourself.

KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED

This is the biggest and most valuable piece of advice that I can give you. Millions of people take photos of their cup of coffee every day and you’re worth infinitely more than a cup of coffee. Do it for future you. If you don’t feel confident enough to ask anyone to take your photo, start with taking a couple of selfies. You don’t have to share them with anyone. Capture yourself, your life, your memories. You deserve it.

I really hope that these tips help you to feel more able to ask to be in photos, more likely to take a breath and say “ok” when someone asks to take your picture. I know that the more I expose myself (pun not intended) to having my picture taken the easier it gets. I can laugh off photos I don’t like. I feel better and more confident in my own skin. You can too.

So what are you waiting for? Go get in some photos.